Another Halloweenfest is in the books, and I wanted to rank all the films I watched this year. Overall, I’d say this year wasn’t very good. The highs were significant, but there were way too many mediocre to bad films on my list this year.
31. Father’s Day
I blame myself. I thought I did enough research. If I had known this was a Troma film, I wouldn’t have put it on the list. I know there’s an audience for these films, so I’m trying to cut it some slack, but holy shit, this movie is terrible. The premise is interesting, but the result isn’t.
30. Final Exam
Final Exam has all the ingredients needed to make a fun slasher film. Unfortunately, they’re all rotten. This film is boring, contrived, and has some of the worst acting ever put to screen. After the movie’s first scene, we have to wait 45 minutes for another kill. Once the killing started, I hoped he might jump out of the screen and gouge my eyes out.
29. Stranger In Our House
This is a made-for-television movie, so I feel I have to grade it with a bit of a curve. Linda Blair’s performance is good, but everyone else in the film feels like they were part of the local theater troop and didn’t get paid. Wes Craven’s direction isn’t terrible, but it’s evident that he was still learning the craft. The climax, where Julia’s true identity as a witch is revealed, is done very well. It’s the reason the entire film was made, but it’s not worth slogging through the whole film.
28. The Third Saturday in October: Part V
With no humor, scares, or thrills, what is left? I’ll tell you what… boredom. I remember looking at the runtime, realizing there were still 30 minutes left, and thinking, why did I do this to myself? I salute Jay Burleson’s effort, but this movie isn’t good.
27. The Third Saturday in October
The Third Saturday in October is a much more coherent film than Part V, but it lacks the pizazz. The story, actors, and script are all better, but the kills are much more mundane. As a director, I think Jay Burleson has some talent. There are a few nice shots, and the cinematography is excellent. It’s truly miraculous that these films were able to be made, and I give Burleson credit for making this happen. That, of course, doesn’t mean it’s good because it’s most certainly not.
26. The Beyond
I can understand the draw of Lucio Fulci’s films, but they aren’t for me. The set design, effects, and makeup can’t balance out the underwritten script and poor acting. The lack of character development and cringeworthy dialogue is inexcusable. Katherine MacColl’s performance is terrible and, at times, laughable, but it’s hard to know if it’s her, the script, or Fulci’s direction. Outside of the fantastic effects and makeup, it’s hard to appreciate anything about The Beyond.
25. Alone in the Dark
There is a world where Alone in the Dark is a masterpiece. Multiple great actors give A+ performances, but incompetent direction coupled with an incoherent script cripples the film. If the home invasion were scary or intense, I could look past the mountain of plot contrivances, but it’s not eventful. I wish I were being hyperbolic, but the home invasion is literally men walking through doors. All the fantastic talent on screen can’t save this from being one of the blandest horror films ever made.
24. Witch Hunt
Despite a terrific ending and third act, Witch Hunt spends much of its runtime being mundane. Paul Schrader probably wasn’t the best choice for directing a wacky adult-themed fantasy film about witches. The themes of McCarthyism, political corruption, and religious hypocrisy are oddly relevant today, but the film’s tone is too chaotic. Dennis Hopper’s performance is stagnant, and he feels miscast as well. I find this premise fun and would love to see this series revived, but Witch Hunt was a misfire.
23. Hell Night
As bad as Hell Night is, I didn’t have a terrible time. Linda Blair and Vincent Van Patten are a lot of fun when they are on screen. The ending is by far the best part of the movie. There are a few tense moments and one tremendous set piece that surprised me. Hell Night will not be a staple of Halloween films for anyone, but I have seen worse.
22. The Fury
Maybe I was hyping myself up for this too much. A Brian De Palma psychological horror film sounded like a dream come true; I guess there’s a reason no one talks about it. The acting is borderline, and the script is terrible. De Palma’s directing is amazing, which is the film’s only saving grace.
21. Hell House LLC
I know I’ve hammered this film, but truthfully, I was entertained. There’s a ten-minute period just before the third act starts that is genuinely creepy. The problem is most of the film is tedious, and the ending is eye-rollingly cliche. I wish the movie would have followed the mockumentary path. If you want a haunted, fun house film, check out Haunt. It’s much more interesting, and the lead is fantastic. Hell House LLC isn’t bad; it’s mostly just bland.
20. The Pope’s Exorcist
Ultimately, what sinks The Pope’s Exorcist is that it’s more worried about setting up future sequels than making any internal logic work. An underlying conspiracy (gasp, the Catholic Church embroiled in a conspiracy?) engulfs the film’s narrative. I found the conspiracy and the reveal absolutely atrocious. I have no doubt Russell Crowe will be back as Father Griele Amorth, and you know what… I’ll watch it.
19. Lake Mungo
I think calling this a found footage film is playing loose with the genre. This is definitely a mockumentary. The premise is fun, and the execution is good. The main issue is it’s hard to get the tension level up. After 45 minutes, the film starts dragging. I would love to see more films try this approach rather than found footage.
18. The Exorcist: Believer
David Gordan Green has quickly fallen out of my good graces. While I admire his desire to interject critiques of society and culture, I don’t think he’s skilled enough behind the camera to convey these ideas. I love the idea of bringing different religions together to remove the demon. I respect that the movie wants us to see the value of community and humanity, but Green’s filmmaking is too sloppy. I didn’t hate this film, but I can’t imagine a world where we get two more of these.
17. Five Nights at Freddie’s
Five Nights at Freddy’s isn’t going to go down in history as a great adaptation or a must-watch, but I was entertained. There are some fun set pieces and some genuine scares. The biggest critique I have is spending so much time building up a backstory outside of Freddie’s. If we spent more time focusing on what transpired in the building, I think this would have been more effective.
16. Feast
Feast is competently directed and has a great script. The main creatures don’t have the best design, and the story isn’t breaking any new ground, but the film is a wild, gory ride. Clu Gulager, Krista Allen, and Judah Friedlander all give great performances. Even though I’m not sure this film would have been made if it wasn’t a Project Green Light film, I would have loved to see what the team could have done with a larger budget.
15. The Keep
Overall, The Keep is an atmospheric and fun experience. It’s hard to judge the film for its choppy narrative because the production company forced Mann to cut the film to shreds. I do believe we were robbed of an epic because what did make it to the screen was mesmerizing. The special and practical effects hold up exceptionally well. Ian McKellen and Jürgen Prochnow give two outstanding performances, but unfortunately, there’s too much missing from the final film to make this a great movie. Who wants to start a petition with me to get Michael Mann’s director’s cut released?
14. Shocker
Shocker isn’t a good movie. It has tons of holes and silliness, but somehow, Craven makes it work. Shocker seems like a creator’s first attempt at filmmaking, but in reality, it was the studio giving Craven complete control of his vision. There’s blood, plot twists, possessions, ghosts, psychic powers, and slapstick comedy. It’s like Craven thought he might never get a chance to make another horror film, so he put every single trope in this one. They don’t make films like Shocker anymore, but then again, they never really did.
13. Saw X
Saw X is a decent horror film. It’s an excellent Saw film. Tobin Bell is doing character work here that should have been done after the first film. The idea that this occurs after the first film but before the third is laughable. I don’t understand why it took nine films to figure out we needed to hash out a character. There’s no world where I watch this film ever again, but I was entertained for about two hours.
12. Exorcist III
Pacing issues aside, William Peter Blatty is a craftsman. His dialogue is written like a novelist. Which at times can be distracting. He also has a deft eye for direction. This film has one of the best shot and scariest scenes in the entire history of horror. Trust me, you’ll know it when you see it! Blatty should have directed more films because the talent is there. Exorcist III isn’t a perfect film, but it’s scary, intense, and well-crafted.
11. Cemetery Man
Cemetery Man feels like the brainchild of Sam Raimi, and Peter Jackson if we lived in an alternate universe where they were influenced solely by nihilism. Michele Soavi is really good at directing horror but less proficient at building a narrative. Rupert Everett is charming and fun. I enjoyed myself at times and was confused at others. I know that I’m supposed to take something philosophical away, but I’m not sure what.
10. Vicious Fun
Vicious Fun is both vicious and fun. Director Cody Calahan does a superb job mixing humor and horror. The cast is excellent, and Evan Marsh was cast perfectly as the lead. I love how the film subverts the final girl trope with a final boy. Ari Mullin as Bob is menacing, handsome, and hilarious. I didn’t love the sudden location flip, but the brutal climax was awesome.
9. Innocent Blood
Innocent Blood is side-splitting funny. I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard at a movie. Don Rickles gives one of his career’s most comic performances, and Robert Loggia knows precisely the movie he’s in. John Landis’s direction is a perfect fit for the action/horror/comedy genre. The film’s climax is terrific and has a set piece that is original and well-shot. I can’t believe no one talks about it. Despite having two dud lead performers, somehow, this movie is fabulous.
8. Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
Jason Lives is a fun romp that brings a lot of fun kills. There are several terrific set pieces and a lot of iconic imagery. The opening scene is all-timer, and Thom Mathews is fantastic as Tommy Jarvis. While the film does many new and creative things, it’s still a straightforward slasher. The ending is cliched and nonsensical, but the journey there is worth it.
7. Talk To Me
Talk To Me is a good film. What’s frustrating is that it could have been great. The premise and execution of the central conceit are terrific. The Philippou brothers are very talented and have a keen eye for horror direction. Sophie Wild is absolutely fantastic as a lead. I can’t say enough good things about her performance. I wish the film followed through with the critique of peer pressure and technology rather than switching to the underdeveloped grief plotline. I will, however, show this to my son within the next few years to instill a deep fear of house parties!
6. Vampire’s Kiss
Vampire’s Kiss is fun and thought-provoking. We hear a lot in today’s culture about how great American Psycho is, but that film owes an awful lot to Vampire’s Kiss. The parallels between Patrick Bateman and Peter Loew are many. What makes Vampire’s Kiss so different is the supernatural but also the closure. Loew’s character gets to find some respite. Nic Cage’s performance was grating at first, but I came around to enjoying it by the final act. Director Robert Bierman should be lauded for assembling a truly unique entry into the vampire subgenre!
5. Stage Fright
Stage Fright is filled with critiques on show business. The overbearing director. The sleazy producer. The poor, overworked actors and the forgotten people work hard behind the scenes to make the machine work. Watching the giant owl’s head work his way through the crew is both tense and entertaining. The climax has a shot that will forever be burned into my head like a bullet.
4. Totally Killer
The film’s take on the slasher genre isn’t breaking new ground, but it’s a lot of fun. The twist ending isn’t as predictable as I thought it would be, and the kills are unique. Nahnatchka Khan has a promising future as a director, and I hope she continues to get to take chances like this. The lead performances and a hilarious script make Totally Killer a must-watch. I’m a sucker for the slasher subgenre, throw in some Back to the Future, and this film feels like it was personally made for me.
3. Suspiria
Thom Yorke’s score is haunting, and the dance choreography is brilliant. The cinematography captures the contrast between the dance studio and war-torn Germany beautifully. The script is a little overwritten, and while the film doesn’t feel long, I believe the last fifteen minutes were superfluous. Every scene is meticulously assembled, and the climax is breathtakingly shot. Dakota Johnson is officially one of my favorite actresses. She provides a powerful performance. Tila Swinton once again plays multiple roles and does it effortlessly. I think the themes are a little heavy-handed and sometimes on the nose. Luca Guadagnino’s Suspiria doesn’t quite reach Dario Argento’s masterpiece, but it’s a more than worthy attempt.
2. Possessor
It’s hard to find any real faults with Possessor. Brandon Cronenberg is supremely talented and has a handle on his storytelling. The cinematography and score are stellar additions as well. Andrea Riseborough and Christopher Abbott give two terrific performances. After an extremely brutal ending, I was left feeling shocked, hurt, and confused. It’s evident that Crondenberg’s films are personal. He struggles to find his identity outside of his family name, and the themes of his films reflect that. Possessor is visually stunning and horrifying, but it is ultimately empty, like its lead character.
1. Jacob’s Ladder
Adrian Lyne has made his mark with some good erotic thrillers. But I think Jacob’s Ladder is his best film. Tim Robbins’s performance is unhinged and vulnerable. This is the best acting he’s ever done. I found the film’s psychological horror to be effective, but it’s reality that’s truly horrifying. The ending is a bit predictable but impactful nonetheless.
