“There’s blood, guts and asses everywhere; someone’s gone all crazy, son!”
Shorty-Scary Movie
The great thing about the horror genre is that you can have the leeway to create some genuinely off-the-wall films. You also have countless subgenres to utilize. I love it when a filmmaker takes a chance. Jay Burelson, writer and director of The Third Saturday In October Part V, has done just that.
The premise is pretty simple. This is the first film in a set of two, but it takes place after the sequel. Think of X and Pearl. The main difference here is that watching Part V, you are told the previous four films are lost to history. The film’s plot is an exciting mashup of Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Friday The 13th. Jakkariah “Jack” Harding is back in town after seven years. He stalks and kills at random before chancing upon a football watch party. The game is between fictional rivals, the Alabama-Mobile Seahawks and Tennessee A&M Commonwealth. College football fans will quickly recognize that this is a reference to the actual third Saturday in October rivalry between the Alabama Crimson Tide and Tennessee Volunteers.
The movie is fun, there’s no doubt, but it’s pacing and acting are absolutely horrible. I love a great spoof. I love a genuinely so bad it’s good film. I can’t get on board with a movie that tries to be so bad it’s good or a spoof and fails at both.
Most actors are either not trying or doing a favor for the creator. The best actor is the child actor Poppy Cunningham. Kansas Bowling and Taylor Smith should have backup options because acting isn’t in the cards. Parker Love Bowling might be the film’s worst actor, and that’s saying a lot.
The makeup and kills are somewhat creative. There’s a scene that involves hedge clippers and toes that was honestly shocking. But Jack Harding isn’t menacing, and he’s not funny. He wears a silly mask and dances celebratory after every kill like he just scored a touchdown. The problem is none of it is scary or funny.
With no humor, scares, or thrills, what is left? I’ll tell you what… boredom. I remember looking at the runtime, realizing there were still 30 minutes left, and thinking, why did I do this to myself? Let’s hope the prequel is a little better.
Rating: 4/10
